IBW's Kick-A-Shmoo Coming at You
Hello Earth Friends!
Here's hoping May, with it's lovely showers and April flowers, has been good to you.
Us? We've been keeping it high and tight over here at the Norwood Park compound. Murals are getting painted, floors finished, banisters welded. The place is getting all around gussied up and she looks lovely!
A realistic open date seems to be around the middle of June at this point and we will certainly keep you plugged in. Facebook or Instagram are your best options for immediate news. And, of course, this lovely newsletter as well.
In the meantime, we've been doing what we do: making beer! This week sees the release of KICK-A-SHMOO JOY JUICE. This 8% Double Dry Hopped Double IPA is made with Galaxy, Rakau and Mandarina Bavarian hops and is our loving tribute to America's original State bird, the Shmoo.
As the wikipedia entry on the Shmoo states:
They reproduce asexually and are incredibly prolific, multiplying faster than rabbits. They require no sustenance other than air.
Shmoos are delicious to eat, and are eager to be eaten. If a human looks at one hungrily, it will happily immolate itself—either by jumping into a frying pan, after which they taste like chicken, or into a broiling pan, after which they taste like steak. When roasted they taste like pork, and when baked they taste like catfish. Raw, they taste like oysters on the half-shell.
They also produce eggs (neatly packaged), milk (bottled, grade-A), and butter—no churning required. Their pelts make perfect bootleather or house timbers, depending on how thick one slices them.
They have no bones, so there's absolutely no waste. Their eyes make the best suspender buttons, and their whiskers make perfect toothpicks. In short, they are simply the perfect ideal of a subsistence agricultural herd animal.
Naturally gentle, they require minimal care and are ideal playmates for young children. The frolicking of shmoos is so entertaining (such as their staged "shmoosical comedies") that people no longer feel the need to watch television or go to the movies.
Some of the more tasty varieties of shmoo are more difficult to catch, however. Usually shmoo hunters, now a sport in some parts of the country, use a paper bag, flashlight, and stick to capture their shmoos. At night the light stuns them, then they may be whacked in the head with the stick and put in the bag for frying up later on.
Now, everybody knows you can't believe everything you read on WikiPedia. That said, I think the Citizen Journalist who curated this data did a fine job of maintaining information integrity.
Next week sees this year's release of some people's favorite beer: GAY AGENDA. This 8% Double Dry Hopped Double IPA with Peaches was Chicago's first beer to honor all of friends and neighbors who identify as LGTQ+ and is the first and only beer in the torrid history of humanity to feature local Living Legend and crochet artist Jeff Fox and his laser-shooting dogs Winston & Bennie flying across the sky. Troof.
And, if that isn't enough, 10% of all the profits from GAY AGENDA go to support the fantastic folks over at Howard Brown Health who have been eliminating the disparities in healthcare experienced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people through research, education and services since 1974. They're doing amazing work and you can support them and their great work with this beer.
I've been slowly but surely updating the website after many moons of neglect. Be patient, it's getting better. I swear. I'm adding current offerings on the home page and building out more detailed (and up-to-date) beer info. Amongst other goodies. Have a look when you can. If you have suggestions, send them to info@ibw-chicago.com.
Ok, everybody. Go buy some beer!
